From the very first time I laid eyes on you I’ve had trouble breathing.

I couldn’t even see your face. The room was dark. You walked in, sat down

my heart stood up.

Ever since

I hold my breath when you walk into the room.

I hold my breath if I walk into a room and you’re there.

I’m hoping you’ll notice me…      Hoping you WON’T notice me, because I’m suddenly aware that I HATE my clothes and hair.

I shoulda worn eyeliner…

I never wear eyeliner.

I look away like I don’t care.

                I look away so I can’t see you not seeing me,

or  seeing me

Either way it’s painful

either way I wish I wasn’t there.

I pretend not to see you

Because aloof is sexy

Because I don’t know what to say

      or how to be

I can’t be myself   ’cause…

I can’t remember who that is.

I’m so excited to see you.

I’m sure you don’t feel the same way.    Then you approach me.      Smiling.

-Damn-

You saw me.

You give me a long hug, far too long to be platonic. Far too long to hold my breath.

Long enough to be patronizing.

I shoulda worn something sweet smelling

So you would remember.

I just want to know that you think of me without being reminded.

It would almost be too much if you liked me back.

I couldn’t imagine…

It would be the first time.

Somebody

                          -liked me back.

8/26/12